Do you know what working on yourSelf does?
Sometimes it feels excruciating, wanting to rip your skin off, so you can feel something different than the old Self or hear the same old thoughts repeating themselves like a broken record. Sometimes is exhilarating, like something very big is about to burst inside of your heart, and feels terrifying to look at it, allowing is just not conceivable. Sometimes, it gets so confusing that you don’t know anymore which is the You, the real authentic self, the old self .. even what is THE SELF.. and you feel like you just want to hide somewhere in a cave, a cave where there are no more mirrors to look into, no more people to respond to, no more needs to put masks on. Sometimes, feels like moments of epiphany that quickly convert into a soul breath release, a natural sigh of relief. Sometimes you might find yourself crying out of joy for waking up and finally seeing yourself, the whole you, with shadows and flaws, with this beautiful perfect imperfection, the child, the adult, the crazy, the lover, the mother or father, the son or the daughter, the all that you are. And it takes time, patience, pain and gain, deep breaths and big breaks, steps back and steps forward..it takes courage and tears and screams and purging your guts out..
But then..after a while..
Suddenly…you notice..that something just feels different..and maybe it will take you a little while even to understand this different feeling..
And it begins to grow.. suddenly it feels incredible, and powerful, seeing yourself like this whole, understanding yourself to the deepest roots of you, you notice that you have new thoughts, more positive, more clear and that you smile more, even when maybe usually you would’ve responded by being sad, suddenly your body is louder, healthier, stronger, your intuition is on high volume too and your mind is just there, quieter – she doesn’t get much say anymore..or at least not like it used to. Your mind becomes the object of your fun observation because you understand it now..you know how she is functioning. Suddenly, you feel LOVE for yourself.
And then, you start to see how it just gives you more and more days of being happy and sparkly, where you find yourself saying “I don’t even remember the last time I got angry or triggered or sad” and then you know, that’s the moment that you just know, that’s it. The shift has happened, new ways of existing, thinking, or being within this picturesque world have actually become integrated, habitual, and natural; you notice how all the people crossing your path reflect more aspects of you that you know or do not know yet and in the same time they reflect the same growth that you have, the same big smile and confidence that you have re-birthed, the same level of awareness that bloomed in you too. And suddenly you notice that you are inspiring others, just by being YOU the NEW YOU, without even words…
You dance differently, your posture is different, you walk and talk differently, you become more quiet and observant, you laugh with all your lungs, smile with your liver, love with all your heart, and you forgive yourself..You TRUST more and all things fall into place, yes all things.
Layers of clarity arise helping you read others better, see beyond what is at the surface, feel everything inside out, see and play with your powers, and most of all, see the evidence at every single step you take, with every breath you bring in or out, noticing how thoughts become real in front of your eyes in a split of a second, emotions multiplying themselves with the power of your intention.. Innerbloom.. A new and expanded sense of self.
And you smile and cry with rivers of tears filled with joy because of all the pain that you have gone through, it was all worth it and this couldn’t have happened without it. And now, while you’re fresh and new, you look at the sky and say to yourself: THANK YOU! Thank you - to the old self for teaching me, thank you - to the new me, for encouraging and empowering me to be real and true to who I am, always. And never ever betray me again, Thank you for everything, thank you for the abundance of existence! Thank you for teaching me to always have FAITH!
From this space, there’s no return, it can’t be, it’s too powerful, too beautiful, too limitless, to …so much more …there are not enough words to describe it. You trust it, you trust you, you feel the evidence of your inner work, you begin harvesting the fruits finally, the Innerbloom is happening, your confidence is rising, you understand unconditional love, you see beyond the mind and its old games and tricks, you see beyond all that is false.. you “see” it ALL. Nothing can escape your awareness, it’s a part of it, there is nothing and nowhere to escape.
You begin allowing, breathing, and accepting.
And eventually, you begin hearing people say all sorts of things that maybe you have never heard before: “Your energy is powerful, your clarity and vulnerability are inspiring, you are so different than before, your confidence is beautiful, your love is strong and real, so much respect!” And yet, your confidence doesn’t rely on that, you feel all of it in the depth of your bones and soul, you do not need validation from anyone because you simply know WHO YOU REALLY ARE and nothing, and no one can change that. And the whole world changes with you.
Seeing the good instead of the bad, always, slowly waking up and brick by brick, together building the kingdom of Heaven.
I love you, my lotus flower!